Mavis Bramston

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Mavis starts getting a little more risque. Engineer John must be starting to wonder if this business deal may get consummated in more than one way!

Dear John,

Thank you for your letter last night. A bit was missing but I think I understood most of it. Please note my name is Mavis, not Marvis.

Thank you for the information about yourself. Five children! You must be very virile. Rita must be very tired. I am, as you already know, single. I am a natural blonde and can prove it. I am 25 years old. It is my birthday next Saturday. My favourite colours are fresh, clean colours like bright blues and greens. Like you, my favourite flowers are roses.

Please give my regards to Rita. If my friend Beryl's tales are half true she must be a very lucky, if exhausted, woman.

This is a bit presumptuous of me but could Rita send me a traditional Nigerian recipe? For my mum; she collects recipes. Something very Nigerian and very special; something that Rita would cook when she really wants to please you!

I'd really appreciate that.

I hope I didn't cause you problems with my newspaper article. I thought it might give you a giggle. Really people do get upset about the silliest things. You sound much more mature to me and, besides, it was an easy way for you to get a picture of me.

Now, the transaction. I think I must have the wrong end of this thing, John. Things seem to be just a little too involved for a $21.50 transaction. I've probably run up a bigger fax bill than that so far. Why is it so involved? Please explain this to me as I am getting a little confused. Are you planning to use the account more than once, perhaps, and pay us $21.50 each time? Please understand that I must make some sort of a profit.

You have asked for three souvenirs to be sent to some government officials; presumably to smooth the passage of the matter.

We have plenty of baskets here, would they do? Please let me know. I'm still a bit worried about the economics of this. The baskets sell for $5.00 each so it will seriously eat into the $21.50.

Talking theoretically though and looking at your list, I think I would probably opt for the lap-top computers. Is there a brand I should look out for? What is the power supply in Nigeria? Then again, perhaps they wouldn't transport well. Maybe watches are better. What would you advise? You know the local official's likes and dislikes better than I do.

I must admit it is at moments like this that I wish I could come over to Lagos; I have my own very effective ways of 'persuading' officials to assist me!

I remember when I was in the Scouts and went for my Personal Endeavour badge. The scout's motto is "Be Prepared". I can tell you that the examiner wasn't prepared for my personal endeavour! I must admit that he did appear to be quite prepared every time I met him after that. Then again, most men are.

For example, there was a traffic policeman who pulled me up once for speeding; he was leaning on the roof of my car writing the speeding ticket and the fly of his trousers was right in my open driver's window and, well, let's just say that to this day my driving record is totally unblemished!

You asked what option I choose from your list; sorry, I started to answer that in my last letter but got side-tracked. I am warming to the idea of coming to Lagos. I would like to meet you, John. I have always enjoyed the company of older men. I've found their experience to be quite rewarding and usually mutually satisfying.

I think I asked you if it was safe for me to come to Lagos and you didn't answer that question. Perhaps that was in the missing bit of your letter. You answer is pivotal to my choice of options.

If I didn't come to Lagos, a certified bank cheque would be the next best option, I guess.

This letter has rambled on a bit, John. Sorry about that but there are many queries I have that need answers. Please see what you can do. I feel I am just a little confused at the moment.

And, remember, Rita's recipe!

Your dear friend, Mavis.

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