Problems at Western Union:

My Good Barrister Longe Kudu,

I had much trouble at the Western Union office today. It would appear some near do well brandishing a federation-style gazebo had barricaded himself inside and was demanding to speak with the leading foreman. It seems, and I was only an innocent bystander, he had some issue with the parquetry. The police had barricaded the area, TV crews were interviewing everyone they could and a group from the South Floppititts Lady's Bowls Club were shouting 'Kill him! Kill him!' whenever the TV cameras were on.

I watched the charade unfold for a while but eventually left. If the evening news is anything to go by he is still there and has demanded negotiators send in a supply of mid-Brunswick green, high gloss.

I am planning to return tomorrow to complete the transaction. Please be patient, I have the issue in control.

I am encouraged to hear that Mrs Chile has a good whip. I like to see spirit in a woman. But I will have to wait until I meet her to see just how good her muscular control is. I am told these African woman can crack walnuts. Is this true?

Yours most intrigued,

General Sir Wilberforce Harrington-Smythe.