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Being the true gentleman that he is he immediately offers to help:

Mrs Danla Chile,
324 Rue Meway, Tres Ville,
Cote D'Ivoire.

My Dear Mrs Chile,

I was given your letter by one of my former aide camps who thought it would interest me. He is a jolly decent fellow and, while he is not a member of the club of course, I feel quite trustworthy. Did wonderful things in the Falklands affair, got a medal I believe too. A truly spiffing sort of chap; for his class, that is.

Anyway the chap gave me your letter and I must say I was touched, deeply touched in fact, by your parlous state of affairs and I am firm in my resolve to assist you.

And please, please do not talk of paying me, I will hear nothing of it. This is the sort of thing one must do to help another civilised person in need. Good heavens woman, where would we be if all assistance had to be purchased what? A most unsavoury way to conduct life.

If I can be of service to you to remove you and your wherewithal to a more civilized location I will consider that I have done my part, albeit a small part, in making the world a better place.

My phone/fax is 613 xxxx xxxx.

It is most regrettable that I cannot use the phone at present due to an operation I had last week following an accident caused by a plum in my throat.

But Madam, trust me, I will not let this stop me helping you. That would not be the Harrington-Smythe way at all.

God bless you Madam. God bless you and your son.

Yours must sincerely,

Wilberforce Harrington-Smythe.

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