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Where General Sir Wilberforce Harrington-Smythe, upperclass type, corresponds with a Nigerian businessman.

(Thanks to Allan Sanders for the original email. Allan is also responding to that email. Lunch to the last one left standing.)

Last addition: May 14th., 2003.

  1. A family in dare need of assistance.
  2. A truly spiffing sort of chap; for his class, that is.
  3. I THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES FOR YOUR CONCERN.
  4. Most unpleasant spot of bother to be in.
  5. I WAS VERY MUCH EXCITED AFTER READING YOUR MAIL.
  6. Gnasher wins a prize.
  7. WHAT A HANDSOME MAN YOU ARE.
  8. The money or the box? Both!
  9. She'll be getting no reference from me, the trollop.
  10. NO GOOD FOOD NO MONEY TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, AND ALL WORTH NOT.
  11. Please by swift, my good man, this lady is suffering.
  12. YES, I KNOWS MRS. DANLA CHILE.
  13. This is perhaps an indelicate question...
  14. YOUR QUESTION WHICH YOU SAID IS ODD, BUT IT IS NOT.
  15. What's guilt got to do with it?
  16. WHAT I NEED IS CO-OPERATION AND UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN BOTH OF YOU.
  17. I ATTACHED HERE THE TRUSTEE AGREEMENT.
  18. THERE SHOULD BE NEED FOR THE STAVATION AT THIS JUNCTURE.
  19. Do you miss having the nape of your neck nibbled?
  20. HE IS NOT SUCH PEOPLE THAT MONEY ENTORSTICATES.
  21. My heart is fairly pounding.
  22. THE DOCUMENTS FROM MRS. DANLA'S BOX
  23. The Holy Moses Casino, Carwash and Veterinary Clinic
  24. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MAN INDEED.
  25. My femur, Rodney, fell ill.
  26. WE MUST HAVE TO SPEND SMALL AMOUNT OF MONEY TO EFFECT THAT.
  27. I must bow to you local knowledge.
  28. I MEAN YOU HAVE KEPT ME IN DARKNESS HERE.
  29. I knew she was really saying 'yes'.
  30. YOU ARE LIABLE TO 6 MONTHS IMPRISMENT WITH HAD LABOUR.
  31. There I was, banging away at her privates...
  32. YOU ARE THEREFORE EXPECTED TO SEND THE SAID AMOUNT TO ME.
  33. Is she reliable?
  34. IT IS A DIRTY GAME.
  35. I did have a butler called Adrian once.
  36. YOU SOUNDS SO ANGRECIEVE IN YOUR MAIL.
  37. You are sure he is reliable, aren't you?
  38. TIME IS NO LONGER ON OUR SIDE.
  39. Do you know if she has a whip?
  40. YES, SHE HAS A NICE WHIP.
  41. The South Floppititts Lady's Bowls Club.
  42. OH!!! MY GOD. WHAT IS HAPPING TO ME?
  43. I LOVE DOING SOMETHING WITH MEN OF THEIR WORD.
  44. MY DEAR, I HOPE NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU?
  45. I really didn't think the species could interbreed.
  46. Nuts on a shingle.
  47. I am the solicitor acting on behalf of the Harrington-Smythe family.
  48. i dont want my dream to die.
  49. Perhaps your church may be able to arrange grief counselling.
  50. Dyson Kardz attends a funeral.
  51. I would have died as well.
  52. In the Biblical sense, if you get my drift.
  53. I AM REALY COMFUSSED HERE.
  54. Perhaps I am being very slow today.
  55. AM I HIS NEXT OF KIN?
  56. Does his mother know this?
  57. HE IS REPRESENTING ME AND MY ONLY SON AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO MY LATE HUSBAND.
  58. There is nothing sinister in this. It is my job.
  59. WELL UNDERSTOOD BUT STILL NOT BELIEVABLE.
  60. I HOPE YOU ARE AWARE OF WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT?
  61. Boiling brimstone will be contributing to his daily activities.
  62. INFACT, I AM SO EXCITED AFTER READING YOUR MAIL.
  63. Can you tell me a little bit more about your proposal?
  64. SHE KNOWS THAT A LABOURER HAS A WAGE.
  65. One of these delightfully profitable family law cases.
  66. I KNOWS THAT YOU MUST BE A VERY BUSY PERSON AS I AM HERE.
  67. BUT MAY WE KNOW WHOM YOU ARE?
  68. Such meetings with Sir Wilberforce were always recorded in minutes.
  69. YOU ARE THEREFORE ADVICED TO COME FORWARD.
  70. I will need a few minor details.
  71. IS HE HIDDING THINGS FROM YOU OR WHAT?
  72. Togo! I believe it is a lovely country.
  73. I WILL NOT ADVICE YOU TO GO FOR ANY TEST OF ANY KIND.
  74. I secretly collected samples of hair from each of my children.
  75. YOU SHOULD HASTEN UP.
  76. My wife, of course, swears that they are mine.
  77. WHAT IS GOING ON PLEASE, TO ENABLE ME FOLLOW UP.
  78. YOUR MAIL WAS WELL RECEIVED. AND THE CONTENTS WERE FANTASTIC.
  79. As I understand it she is pivotal to the whole transaction.
  80. I WAS SO EXCITED AFTER READING YOUR MAIL.
  81. It really makes it seem so much more real seeing it like that.
  82. THE CONTENTS OF YOUR MAIL IS A THING OF JOY.
  83. Sadly it is not as I would have wished.
  84. WE HAVE MAPED OUT MODALITIES...
  85. YOU ARE A VERY HANDSOME MAN.
  86. I must go, my family are assembling for a farewell dinner.
  87. I WOULD NOT LIKE US TO BE DISCUSSING ANYTHING ABOUT CASH BRIBE...
  88. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?
  89. Mr Newbery is being delayed in his departures to your country.
  90. OH !!!! MY GOD. WHAT IS ALL THESE ?
  91. I am being working nightly and daily to extricate his release.
  92. Your corck and bill stories.
  93. When it is being there it is then not being there equally quickly.
  94. Is the transaction irreparably damaged?
  95. SUCH IS LIFE.THIS IS TRIALS.
  96. What are the other options?
  97. I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT THIS OPTION VERY WELL
  98. Wise and venerable status.
  99. I WILL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS I GET ANY ANSWER FROM THEM.
  100. WE ARE NOW WAITNG FOR THE BALANCE OF $12.500 USD.
  101. How could they get any worse?
  102. IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN ?
  103. WHY DO YOU WANT TO JOPARDISE THIS OUR LAST MUNITE ARRENGEMENT ?
  104. There is an email for me from Mr Mark. What should I tell him?
  105. GUIRDING US FROM THE WRAT OF THE SECURITY COMPANY.
  106. And there is another small thing...
  107. I DONT HAVE ANY BANK NOTE.
  108. Do you beg for your food?
  109. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I HAVE A SPECIAL INTEREST IN YOU AS A FRIEND
  110. The woman is a harridan and a shrew.
  111. IS IT NOT TO SOLVE PROBLEMS?
  112. M-R-S-C-H-I-L-E-I-S-A-C-O-N and that was all.
  113. YOU SHOULD SEND IT THROUGH OUR CASHIER'S NAME.
  114. STILL I DONT LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE SOUNDING.
  115. I feel that we are singing from different song sheets.
  116. WE HAVE OUR MUDES OF OPERATION.
  117. MY ATTEMPT TO ACTUALISE THIS AFFAIR.
  118. The uncomfortable embracings of the of the law that is having exceedingly long arms.
  119. WE WILL FORCE THE TRUNK OPEN AND AUCTION THE CONTENTS.
  120. The birthplace of Vicbitta, a most auspicious local God.
  121. I AM VERY DISAPOINTED AT MR.NEWBERY.
  122. Please be opening it immediately.
  123. YOU MUST BE TRANSPARENT TO ME AND MY CLIENT.
  124. You will be correcting me if I am being wrong.
  125. THESE ARE THINGS WE NEED TO DISCUSS ON PHONE.
  126. I believe that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
  127. AUF WEIDERSEHEN!

     

    Footnote:
    An avid reader, Ray Kennedy, put together a Who's Who entry for Sir Wilberforce. View