The friar paced up and down in his small room, stopping occasionally to unfold and reread the email that he had received earlier in the day. 'Is it genuine?' he wondered, 'and what would happen if I answered it? What would the Abbot think?' He poured himself a glass of clear liquid from a jug on the bed side table marked 'Holy Water' and pondered the letter. It was his lot within the Monastery to raise funds for the much needed extentions and, despite some misgivings, this may be the answer to his prayers. Ask and you shall receive, it says. Finally he walked over to the computer and typed:
Dear Mr Justice,
I have been passed your email by one of the Vestal Virgins who felt it may be a way for the monastery to raise funds for the new chapel, solarium and fornicatorium.
I am willing to help you with this venture as long as my participation remains STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL. Is that understood? We cannot afford adverse publicity under any circumstances.
But it would be most wrong to view the business you refer to solely as a way to underwrite the redevelopment of the monastery. One must have noble goals, don't you agree? One must look within one's self to find ways to help others.
A small problem may be that, while we are not a totally silent order, we are one that minimises talking and shuns the use of telephones. The Monastery does have access to a fax machine which may be accessed on +613 9326 7777.
I realize that it is a while since you originally sent this email and that in the elapsed time you may have found someone else to help you. If you have, I bless their generosity and wish you happiness for the future.
Yours in Christ,
Friar Augustus Tuck.
Wealth and riches shall be in his house:
and his righteousness endureth forever.
- Psalm 112:3