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'It didn't stain me purple down there, did it?' asked the young Sister anxiously, as she straightening her habit. 'Are you sure that that is the way to treat purple mouth?' 'Absolutely' replied Friar Tuck 'but it may take a few treatments before it is completely cured'. 'I'll come back later' she said, coyly, 'it's the least I can do for a sick man'. The friar held the door open for the Sister and shut it gently after her. He could stop smiling.

Outside the Sister walked across the quadrangle, also smiling. 'I know we are supposed to feel good when we help the ill, but I never knew it was that good.'

The Friar ate the meal Sister Personified had brought with her and then sat down and reread the letter from Mr Justice. He sighed and wrote:


My Dear Mr Justice,

Blessings of our Lord on you during this holiest of seasons!

I am really most confused by your letter. It is as if you have thrown all the words up in the air and then just pushed them onto the page any old how. Perhaps you are just going through a purple patch.

Correct me if I am wrong but I feel what you are trying to say is 'trust me and move quickly'. This is certainly the feeling I get after many, many readings of your letter.

I had a thought: Is there any chance that the lawyer can be paid from the fund AFTER the transaction is complete? This would be a big assistance to me as it would stop me having to find the money now. It's not impossible but why not take the easy route if we can, eh?.

Yours in Christ,

Friar Augustus Tuck.

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His mouth is full of cursing and deceit and fraud:
Under his tongue is mischief and vanity.

- Psalm 10:7

There was a knock at the door. 'Time to continue my cure!' he chuckled. He stuck out his tongue and threw open the door.

'What the fuck happened to you?' asked the Abbot.


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