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Rogan Josh is less keen to use the phone and must explain why he cannot ring.
It might work.

Most Goodly Dr Samuel,

I am being in a state of high embarrassment in my current situation and must be apologising most humbly for possibly leading you up the path in the garden.

I must now be telling you most personal things. I was being filled with hope that I would not have to be telling such shameful things but I am seeing no other way. I am thinking that I can trust your discretion.

In India I was being the leading guard for the harem of Rajah Maharishi Basmati Pilau. This was being a job of much importance but I am admitting that it was not well thought of by people who were not being already eunuchs. Are you being aware of the rueful qualifications needed for being a eunuch, Dr Samuel? They are being the lamentable separation of a man from his manhood. Are you understanding the content of what I am saying about my testicular detachment? Please do not be making me to be more specific. You are a doctor, you must understand.

Sadly a eunuch's vocal chords are also being cut away so that they are keeping absolute secrecy concerning the activities in the harem. And there was much to be seeing. But little to be doing. The most hurtful of the ladies being in the harem were calling me Cinderella because I was not proceeding to the ball.

That is my shame that I am telling you, Dr Samuel. I am telling you with regret that I cannot call you with the telephone.

What is the meaning of this to the successful furtherment of your endeavour? If it may be carried out by email and facsimiles then I am being most useful to you. Is this also your understanding?

Please be advising me.

Yours most ashamed,

Rogan Josh.

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