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Things have been quiet on The Rev front for a week now. Perhaps he twigged to me. Perhaps he is sick. Perhaps lots of things. To fill in the time I am responding to Sam Ogoh & Co. A bit of cut and paste going on here. I like Princess Tikka and I don't want to give her up too quickly. This is the same fax that lead Minnie Bannister to correspond with Kwame. I wonder if...
Sam Ogoh & Co
Barristers & Solicitors, Legal Consultants and Notaries Public
RE: OVERDUE CONTRACT DEAL # NNPC/R/FE/2196/90
After waiting to hear from you for a long time without success, I decided to make this direct contact presuming it would not come to you as a surprise hence you've been aware of my involvement in your deal here in Nigeria from the first day you sent your company's particulars to Lagos for change of an already existing contractor's name and bank coordinates to enable an early claim of funds overdue to the account you provided. (Phew! Quite a mouthful, Sam!) Sharing was agreed to be 70% for us and 30% for you (the account owner). I do not know if you have once decided to ask yourself why there have always been one problem or another each time all seemed to have been completed. (Quite frankly I think the guys at your end were feeling the same.)
Due to the selfish attitude of your so called partner who did not want to officially introduce me to you for reasons that are best known to him, (Some people, Sam! You just can't trust them. You can trust me, Sam) I decided to suspend the deal by officially writing to the authoritiies to withhold the transaction for security reasons which they obliged due to the fact that I perfected all legal documents for the change of both the original beneficiary name and bank particulars to yours. Even the contract number was authenticated by Progress Chambers which I am the Principal Solicitor.
Kindly call me as a matter of urgency on the above telephone line for details of reasons of my decision to withhold transaction and also the recent development in the legal Department of Central Bank of Nigeria. (What? Have they started an ethics department?) I would have completed this deal myself with the help of some other foreign company but for the reason that all the federal Governement Parastatals (Ah...good ol' parastatals. I miss the modalities, though.) here have your information as that of the Original Contractor hence I decided to involve you to complete all only if you agree with my condition. (Hang on Sam, you said that you did the paper work to install me in the system. Surely you could undo it...?)
Looking forward to hearing from you ASAP.
My Dear Sir,
I am thanking you most deeply for your fine letter.
You will be correcting me if I am wrong but I am understanding you from your letter that you will be facilitating the payment of the monies to my estate owed by the sovereign government of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, is that not correctly so?
Does this mean you are saying that the most honourable but strangely quiet gentleman who was with me dealing so earnestly is overcome with death and or disease? Please to his family pass on my deeply held solicitations and grievous thoughts.
And I am pondering what has become of the monies that I was sending to him?
Can you be telling me that, I wonder?
And what is it that I am to be doing now? I would be being very pleased if you would tell me this.
You may be contacting me by facsimile transmission on +613 xxxx xxxx or on my electronic mail at firstname.lastname@example.org
I am with you most graciously,
Princess Tikka Masala,
Exiled ruler of the Channa Dahl.