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The Gods do not seem to be smiling on Princess Tikka. She gets some (apparently) bad press in an article the Vindaloo Paper.
My Dear Brother Dr Frank,
I am being cursed. My life is being assaulted upon most grievously so.
First my darling Rogan Josh was deaded by stabbing, the first being of my miseries.
Today my masseur, poor Hans, the man being with the magic fingers to sooth the back of aches, was set upon by a man with a fish.
This would be being a greatly joke in circumstances found to be normal but today it was being most grievous and poor little Hans was found to be giving up being with his ghost.
The problem was being related with the state of the fish that did assault his head. It was being frozen.
It is appearing that this did incline it to being a most more cruel and alarming weapon.
This is being the second of my miseries. I am being distraught. I am being despairing. I am being most uncertain what I am to be doing now? The deadliness of Hans was written in the papers and they were being talking of a cursing upon my head. This cannot be being so. I am a Princess. I am not cursible.
And what am I to do for you and your goodly wife? I am being resolved to be abetting you in your needy hours. I am having no further options, I will be sending the monies myself. This I must be doing to remain honourable in your eyes.
Oh what a miserable wretch am I being! O woe! O misery!
Give me strength Dr Alex; give me words of solace and hope.
Your poor, poor Tikka.