Princess Tikka Masala

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I like Princess Tikka and am reluctant to let her go. Another 'junk' fax arrives at work (In capitals, of course):


THE HONORABLE CONTRACTOR (CREDITOR)

SUBJECT: NOTICE LETTER TO ALL LISTED BONIFIED CONTRACTORS/CREDITORS
(Bonified? Is that like calcified?)

REFERENCE TO THE BUDGET OF THE YEAR 2002 RESOLUTION BY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA, THIS OFFICE OF THE DEBT MANAGEMENT ON FOREIGN CONTRACT BILL SETTLEMENT HAS BEEN DIRECTED TO WRITE AND INFORM YOU ON THE OVER DUE CONTRACT PAYMENT ARRANGEMENT THROUGH OUR APEX FINANCE BANK OF SETTLEMENT -CASSE CENTRALE DESJARDINS SA, MAIN BANK BRANCH, SOUNTH AFRICA, AS SCHEDULED FOR THE 2002 CONTRACT BILL SETTLEMENT ACCREDITATIONS ACT 2001. (What a mouthful!)

ON THE ABOVE, YOU ARE FINALLY ADVISEDTO RECONFIRM YOUR CONTACT DETAILS AND YOUR RECEIVING BANK INFORMATIONS FOR SCREENING AND RE-EXAMINATION OF YOUR PAYMENT INSTRUCTION TO AVOID WRONG PAYMENT AND LOSS OF FUND IN TRANSIT IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE CREDITORS PAYMENT DETAILS AS CONTAINED IN OUR CENTRAL COMPUTING MONITORING UNIT.

It goes on for a while. I'll spare you the rest of it.

KIND REGARDS,

DR. ALEX FRANK,
DEBT MANAGEMENT COMMITTEE
ON FOREIGN CONTRACT DEBT SETTLEMENT.


And Princess Tikka answers (but is a little coy on the 'Princess') and forgets to send the bank and contact details:

My Dear Sir,

I am thinking that all is finished for me when I am receiving your facsimile message.

I have been giving much beneficiaries to a gentleman in your city who is now most disturbingly quiet. He is playing with the dead possum I believe.

Am I thinking correctly from your facsimile that you can assist in bringing this episode to a satisfied conclusion? If this is found to be my expectoration then I am promising that my beloved father the Rajah will be granting you many rubies.

Please be advising me of the next steppings I am to take.

Yours most avidly,

Tikka Masala.


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