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Princess Tikka Masala has a difficulty.

(Borborygmi is the name of the sound gases make when they gurgle in your intestines. Who says this isn't educational?)

My Goodly Mr Mbeki,

I am thanking you for your promptish reply to my letter.

I am being most intrigued by your proposal and and being eagerly solicitous of you to be permitting me to assist you in its discharge.

You are asking for information about me. I will be telling you.

I am a Princess. I am Princess Tikka Masala, exiled ruler of the Channa Dahl. Any moneys raised by me go to supporting the Channa Dahl Liberation Army. My father, the Rajah, is currently imprisoned by that most wicked of despots who is being in charge of our country. Should I be successful in liberating him I am having very few doubts that he would reward you with very many rubies.

I am having no difficulty in giving you my fax number, it is being 613 9326 5378. It is also being a phone number.

I am having some consternations about the telephone number. This is being due to the quite lamentable fact that my religion has just entered the holy period of Borborygmi which demands that I am not communicating with my mouth. I am feeling that this is a ritual festival of much antiquity and am being much loathe to break its traditional demeanours.

I am being hopeful that this information is of much facility to yourselves and that we are being destined to be business partners together.

Yours serenely,

Princess Tikka Masala.

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