The Perfect Porridge Company

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Brigadier Lump lists the member of his party:


Dear Mr Golding,

I have been in contact with my travel agents, MLE Travel, and am booked to arrive in Amsterdam on Monday June 24th at 6:35am.

The flight number is KL4102.

As it is a impromptu trip with little time for proper planning I will be travelling with a total party of only six. Dr Goo had wished to come, hoping to extend the trip to address business interests in Belgium but could not reorganise his calendar at short notice.

There will be my wife, the lovely and most accommodating Ophelia Lump; my personal aide-de-camp The Right Honourable Michael Fitzherbert; my personal masseur, the downright dishonourable Herbert Fitzmichael; my numerologist Count Ya "Lucky" Starrs; I travel nowhere without him. The last member of the entourage is a young Nubian slave I won in a duel of honour. Her name is Sham which I am told is Nubian for trustworthy.

Count Starrs has told me that the portents for this trip are exceedingly good. Not the least is the flight number 4102; he reliably informs me that this is divisible by two and as such is twice as portentous as 2051. The digits add up to 7 a number closely associated with wealth, endurance and success.

We were most fortunate to be able to obtain six first class tickets at short notice. it would have been so hideously tedious to have to travel business class. It is such a tiresome business to slum it with the middle rung executives. They really have no idea of their correct station in this world. Mobile phones and static brains.

You have requested a number of things.

Presumably the passports and photos I am supposed to bring with me.

With regard to the money I always travel with more than sufficient funds in United States Dollars. Presumably I will be able exchange them into the European euro toy money once in Amsterdam. Or could I use the US dollars directly?

I must say that I much preferred Guilders - there was a money with character! I guess with a name like Golding you would have preferred them too!

You make much about the not being able to access the crates until the conclusion of the necessary protocols. In the transaction I will be acting as an agent for Dr Shamsudeen D. Usman and, indirectly, the Gwarzo family. It would be most embarrassing if I accepted delivery of the crates only to find they were full of telephone books. I am sure there must be some way to verify the content of the crates prior to the completion of the transaction. Please advise me on this. I owe it to my contacts.

Can you recommend a good hotel for us? Something with a little class, you understand.

I remain,

Yours humble servant,

Brigadier. A. Lump,
3rd Light Cavalry. (Ret.)

(AD 2000)


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