The Perfect Porridge Company

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A faxed came from Mr Golding of Global Securities Limited (NOT Mr Golden of Global Security Company):


This letter is in response to your fax dated 18th June in which you request the status of the above referenced consignment and the modalities (Yes!) for claiming it.

We are pleased to confirm possession of your consignment from Africa sent by Dr. Shamsudeen D. Usman on behalf of the Gwarzos. The security crates deposited ifor the favor of Brigadier Amorphous Lump are available for collection. Please be advised that the Terms and Conditions laid down by the principal depositors do not extend to third party being granted access to the security crates. The security systeem enabling the release of the crates will be disengaged only in the presence of the consignee as designated. Proxies will not be granted access to the security crates. (But for money they may have the crates, even though they haven't seen the contents...?) The security considerations on such consignments are clearly stipulated and restrict our actions on this note.

The consignment came in as diplomatic cargo and as such was not inspected at the port of entry. To this effect, a diplomatic yellow paper was processed and paid for.

For security evaluation, please provide the following:

(1) International Passport(Is there any other kind?) or Drivers licence for identification.

(2)Clearing and Handling charges of 7,675.00Euros cash (Seven thousand six hundred and seventy five Euros cash) (Why do they always spell out the money amounts?)

(3)Mandatory non-resident account opening fee of 7,000.00 Euros cash(They spelt it out as well, but I will spare you.) We assist our clients in opening non-resident accounts because the requirements are usually to stringent if they do it themselves. (Just how many of these shipments do you have?)

(4)Two (2) passport size photos.

(5) Note that due to diplomatic legal stipulations covering such consignments, your consignment cannot be tampered with prior to the conclusion of the necessary release protocols. (A fake item #5, as it is not something I have to provide. But I get the distinct impression they do not want me to view the consignment.)

A total sum of 14,675.00 Euros cash (Fourteen etc..) is required as clearing funds prior to the release of the security crates.

We kindly request you make immediate arrangement to arrive at Schipol International Airport Amsterdam on or before close of business on Wednesday, 26th day of June, 2002. Thereafter, the consignment will attract demurrage charges of 250.00 Euros per day. Please provide us with your flight itinery to enable us to assign officials to receive you upon arrival.

Yours truly,


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