The Devil picks up his quill, dips it in his coffee and writes:
My Good Fellow,
I am so very pleased that you replied to my email. The imps had put a penny against it.
I send you greetings from ALL the members of my congregation; who knows, maybe in due course you will join it too. I have many of your like and they always have a special place in my hearth.
I am sorry for the slight delay in replying. I too am having a very busy time. As you will be aware the festival of the Christ child is upon us and it is a peak season for my staff, selling all the usual messages of lust, greed, envy and gluttony. It is, after all, a time of traditions.
While I recognise much truth in the saying you quote, as ye sow so shall ye reap. It certainly applies equally to my side of the coin. Mind you I am fairly certain that when I look at my garden I do not remember planting dandelions! However in the bigger paddock of life, oh I love planting some truly delicious crops. Lust always produces a bumper harvest. And greed! Greed repays me tenfold. You chose your quotes well, Sir.
But I digress.
My address is at the end of this letter. And I will attach a picture before I post it. You talk of sending someone to me, is this an emissary?
I do need you to clarify a few things regarding the contacts that you gave me. You have given mention of a lawyer but no details of this man.
You have also asked me to contact a finance company but I do not understand how I should approach them. It seems odd for me to just contact them and say 'I believe that you have four millions dollars for me'. Will they believe me? I wouldn't believe me if I was me.
Plus there are two finance companies.
Do I contact both? Do they have two million dollars each?
I realise that you are very busy but I do not want to delay your generous offer by clumsiness at my end.
Please tell me the correct way to proceed.
The Brimstone Chapel,
964/502 Victoria Street,
NORTH MELBOURNE, 3051,