J. Cosmo Newbery

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Crunch time for Charles. Obviously I am not on Flight KL587 to Lagos so I need to tell him something. I suspect he will be unhappy. I go on the attack, use a few angry words and blame his lawyer...


Dear Charles,

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE!

Yesterday I was arrested at the airport - although those delightful men with the rubber gloves and stony faces preferred to call it a 'temporary restraining order' - and I am really not sure what is going on.

The whole thing is absolutely outrageous.

Apparently they were inspectors from the Australian Taxation Office and were tipped off about a large sum of money going into my account. Apparently it breeched some financial transaction laws. They wouldn't tell me how much but they said it was from a "Mr. Bellow". Is that your lawyer? Or is it just coincidence? Is that stupid fool playing silly buggers? Just because I picked him as a fraud is he trying to scuttle this transaction?

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING, CHARLES?

They held me at the remand centre overnight and then took my passport before letting me go this morning. My bank accounts are frozen, my passport is impounded, I have only just got home after a night in a cold bloody cell, shared with God only knows what types of sex-crazed axe murderers, and I am not happy.

Don't fuck around with me Charles, what is happening? And why?

Cosmo Newbery.

Please note that my name is Cosmo, not Cosmos. Thank you.


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