J. Cosmo Newbery

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We have a little disjointed correspondence from Charles here as I don't think he realizes the time frame for getting from Melbourne to Lagos (36hrs) so a number of emails come after I have 'left'.

Dear Charles,

My flight leaves in about six hours.

Any last minute advice?

Best wishes, Cosmo.

It reaches the time to leave for the airport. A farewell email. A bit of embellishment, I've never cracked it for business class anywhere.

Dear Charles,

I have not heard from you. I hope all is well and that our plans can move forward to their rightful and joyous conclusion.

I am about to head off to the airport. My first stop is Kuala Lumpa. I must change planes there for a flight to Amsterdam. If I get a chance I will check my email from the Club lounges at KL and Amsterdam.

Overall, the flight is just over 36 hours so I will be looking forward to a cold drink and a hot shower by the time you see me. At least I will be traveling business class so I will have a little more leg room.

Looking forward to meeting you immensely,


At last, but post theoretical departure, an email from Charles:

Dear Cosmos,

Thank you for your email am very happy.Regarding your coming I will take care of all your expenses regarding your feeding,accomodation and all other sundry.

Please,note that I have less than $2,000.00 .For us to be sure you should ensure that you hold the $8,000.00 for us not to have any problem.If the money is not correct its still yours,if its correct it is still yours. (Huh?)

Cosmos,there is need for you to resend me your photograph the previous one was not very clear. (Great Charles, how am I supposed to do that from Seat 10A?)

I will email you later today.

Best Regards,


Another email where Charles seems a little confused about my ability to answer him:

Dear Cosmo,

I have sent you a mail without response . (Well, what do you expect?)Now I need more details regarding your arrival.Depending on the time of your arrival in Nigeria, (Read my emails, Charles.)if I can not come myself I will send my protocol officer to pick you up at the airport and take you straight to the hotel room where which I will join you in the evening. (Wacko!)

So every detail is required even the your dressing is very important.Your schedule is needed. (Too late Charles, I'm on my way, remember?)

This is very urgent Cosmo.

Your friend,


At last Charles reads my emails and finds all the information is there. So what if it's wrong?

Dear Cosmos,

Everything is alright I have already booked the hotel for you and two big breast (!!!)waiting to serve you very well.I will take care of your staying expenses.

But please,only bring along the $8,109.00 for the charges.

I am waiting for you eagerly for us to conclude.

Your friend,


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