Madame Yotta

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Madame Yotta is at a loss for words. Sort of.

Dear Dr Usman,

I am quite at a loss for words after reading your two emails!

Firstly, rest assured that I would in no way attempted to lure you away from your faith in Allah. I am most admiring of any person who has found the support and comfort in a religion, especially one so strongly founded in such strong moral values such as yours.

As a psychic, my beliefs are not incompatible with any religion; just as someone who studies the oceans does interfere with those who sail upon them.

I was born on April 1st, 1972; this makes my star sign Aries and is responsible for my quite remarkable financial prowess, an unfortunate tendency towards prevarication, an eerie ability to converse with pond slime, a knack for removing beer-bottle tops without using my hands and a quite insatiable sexual drive. None of which should be of any concern to you.

I am uncertain what to make of your crack about my mother. My mother disowned me soon after I was born. She left me in a cardboard box on the door step of the local cafe. For years, when people asked me what sign I was born under, I used to say Spiro's Bar & Grill.

But I am a survivor. Thank you for your concern.

I am pleased that the fax finally got through and I will await your promised fax forms.

Yours most sincerely,


You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.

- Evan Esar

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