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Sparing no expense, Mr Newbery forwards a copy of Mr Silver's last will and testament.


Dear Sir,

With all due respect, I see little need to call you, email being a cheap and practical means of dealing with international issues of low importance.

You make merry jest at my uncle's unfortunate demise, the fact that a pregnant giraffe was involve has been a source of great embarrassment to the family, although we do believe that it was a loving relationship and adoption is considered out of the question. Please treat this whole matter with the utmost sensitivity.

I should also point out that I am the executor of my uncle's estate, not the executioner; a totally different role with totally different duties.

There has been a slight hitch in the forwarding of my uncle's bequest to you. It appears that a group of terribly earnest, large breasted ladies in floral frocks, from the historical society, are protesting at it leaving the country, arguing that it is part of the national treasure and should remain in the country. It is, they say, the only known example of its kind and noted for a very fine rendition of 'Jingle Bells' when pulled. But I am sure that you would have known that.

As requested, I have attached scanned copies of all three pages of my uncle's last will and testament.

First Page
Second Page
Third Page

Yours sincerely,

J Cosmo Newbery,
Newbery & Associates.

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