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Mr Kringle finds himself decidedly unaroused on National Nipple Arousal Day. The banks were similarly unresponsive.
My Dear Miss Mike,
I regret to tell you that I was not able to send the money today. I caught the bus into town full of all the best intentions but had completely missed the fact that it was a public holiday, National Nipple Arousal Day, proudly sponsored by the Formfit tight sweater company.
The banks were, of course, quite resolutely shut.
Mrs Kringle and I browsed the shops a while and then bought some fish and chips (wrapped in newspaper!) and went and sat at the end of the pier to eat them. For a while at least we had the undivided attention of most of the seagulls within a two mile radius.
We we finally got home we sipped sherry and watched an address to the nation where the Prime Minister tried to explain the subtle differences between titillation and tit-elation. From the nipple's point of view, of course. As far as either goes, the guy is about as exciting as yesterdays cat vomit and both Mrs K. and I fell asleep.
Tomorrow, I am reliably informed, is not a public holiday in any shape or form and the banks are certain to be open.
Have no fear we will get there and, more importantly, we will get it right this time.
You have my word.
Kris Kringle (Mr).
Dear Mr. Kris Kringle,
I got your mail and I am happy to hear how you and your wife is having the best of time. I hope when i get there you and your wife will make me have the best of time as you are having it now.
As Regards to the photos, they were taking in my late father's house, it is a beautiful marble house, it deos have a chimney. (Good!) My father was a very hard working man during his life time he made us have the best of life. He is a father I am proud of.
Anyway, I will expect to hear from you tomorrow after resending the money.
My best regards to your wife "Mrs Kringle" (Why inverted commas? Has she twigged that it is a sham?)