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Farewell Prince Kenneth!


In a small room in a house in suburban Melbourne, a gentleman is sitting at a computer typing. Let's call him the moderator.

In his head, three people are talking.

One is a young lady with curly blonde hair and a willing smile. Her name is Felicity. Beside her is a dark haired young girl. She is Felicity's niece, Isabella, though she prefers to be called Issie. The third person sitting at this table of the mind is a middled aged, distinguished looking gentleman. He is Mr James Newbery, usually known by his middle name, Cosmo.

Newbery:
So. We are agreed them?
Felicity:
Yeah. It's about time to wrap this up and put Prince Kenneth out of his misery.
Issie:
I don't know. He does send nice poems.
Felicity:
Sure but they aren't his, you know?
Issie:
They aren't?
Felicity:
No. They are all nicked from guys who wrote in the 1800s.
Issie:
No!
Felicity:
Yep. That one you got the other day was by Eugene Fields.
Issie:
The bastard!
Felicity:
No, no, I'm sure he meant well. Besides, with men, any poem is a blessing. Usually they just flop on the couch and yell for another beer. At least he is trying to be romantic.
Newbery:
Ladies, please! Can we move on?
Felicity:
OK. So how do we wind this thing up?
Newbery:
Well, we are sort of doing it now. The whole point of this is to tell our young poet that we are no more real than his fathers $25 million fortune.
Issie:
Will he be upset?
Felicity:
Probably. But I am sure he will cope.
Newbery:
Is there anything that either of you would like to say to him?
Felicity:
Yes. Thanks for the money Kenneth! I am going to have it framed.
Issie:
He sent you money?
Felicity:
Yes. 180 Naira.
Issie:
Wow!
Felicity:
Well, it translates into about $1.25 but the thought was there.
Newbery:
What about you Isabella?
Issie:
Nah. Nothing really. I'm a bit pissed off that he thought I was Felicity. We're only related by marriage.
Moderator:
Pardon me for interrupting but you are both just a figment of my imagination.
Issie:
Yeah. That says a lot about the state of your mind. Did you ever send him the nude pics of me?
Moderator:
No. That would not have been wise.
Felicity:
And mine?
Moderator:
Well, that may have been better received but no, I wanted to maintain some of your respective dignities. But he will find them at my website if he wants to see you both in the all-together.
Newbery:
Ah...I hope that there is...um...
Moderator:
No, there are no nude pictures of you there.
Newbery:
Thank heavens for that!
Issie:
Amen.
Newbery:
So is that it then? Are we all done, all through?
Felicity:
Yes. Just a last 'good-bye' to Kenneth. Never did give you that blow-job, did I? Probably just as well really. Good bye my love.
Issie:
A blow-job? Aunty! You can't be serious?
Felicity:
Well, it does get the guys attention...
Issie:
(shakes head in dismay). OK, Prince. Ciao.
Newbery:
From myself, Prince Nwaeze, may I say that it has been a pleasure. OK. Back to you boss.
Moderator:
Thank you. There you go, Prince Kenneth. The end of a very interesting road. I have put together a group photo with this email. In it you will find Felicity, Issie, J Cosmo Newbery and, if you look very closely, myself. Thank you once again, it has been fun.
All:
Good-bye Kenny!

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