Farewell Prince Kenneth!

In a small room in a house in suburban Melbourne, a gentleman is sitting at a computer typing. Let's call him the moderator.

In his head, three people are talking.

One is a young lady with curly blonde hair and a willing smile. Her name is Felicity. Beside her is a dark haired young girl. She is Felicity's niece, Isabella, though she prefers to be called Issie. The third person sitting at this table of the mind is a middled aged, distinguished looking gentleman. He is Mr James Newbery, usually known by his middle name, Cosmo.

Newbery:

So. We are agreed them?

Felicity:

Yeah. It's about time to wrap this up and put Prince Kenneth out of his misery.

Issie:

I don't know. He does send nice poems.

Felicity:

Sure but they aren't his, you know?

Issie:

They aren't?

Felicity:

No. They are all nicked from guys who wrote in the 1800s.

Issie:

No!

Felicity:

Yep. That one you got the other day was by Eugene Fields.

Issie:

The bastard!

Felicity:

No, no, I'm sure he meant well. Besides, with men, any poem is a blessing. Usually they just flop on the couch and yell for another beer. At least he is trying to be romantic.

Newbery:

Ladies, please! Can we move on?

Felicity:

OK. So how do we wind this thing up?

Newbery:

Well, we are sort of doing it now. The whole point of this is to tell our young poet that we are no more real than his fathers $25 million fortune.

Issie:

Will he be upset?

Felicity:

Probably. But I am sure he will cope.

Newbery:

Is there anything that either of you would like to say to him?

Felicity:

Yes. Thanks for the money Kenneth! I am going to have it framed.

Issie:

He sent you money?

Felicity:

Yes. 180 Naira.

Issie:

Wow!

Felicity:

Well, it translates into about $1.25 but the thought was there.

Newbery:

What about you Isabella?

Issie:

Nah. Nothing really. I'm a bit pissed off that he thought I was Felicity. We're only related by marriage.

Moderator:

Pardon me for interrupting but you are both just a figment of my imagination.

Issie:

Yeah. That says a lot about the state of your mind. Did you ever send him the nude pics of me?

Moderator:

No. That would not have been wise.

Felicity:

And mine?

Moderator:

Well, that may have been better received but no, I wanted to maintain some of your respective dignities. But he will find them at my website if he wants to see you both in the all-together.

Newbery:

Ah...I hope that there is...um...

Moderator:

No, there are no nude pictures of you there.

Newbery:

Thank heavens for that!

Issie:

Amen.

Newbery:

So is that it then? Are we all done, all through?

Felicity:

Yes. Just a last 'good-bye' to Kenneth. Never did give you that blow-job, did I? Probably just as well really. Good bye my love.

Issie:

A blow-job? Aunty! You can't be serious?

Felicity:

Well, it does get the guys attention...

Issie:

(shakes head in dismay). OK, Prince. Ciao.

Newbery:

From myself, Prince Nwaeze, may I say that it has been a pleasure. OK. Back to you boss.

Moderator:

Thank you. There you go, Prince Kenneth. The end of a very interesting road. I have put together a group photo with this email. In it you will find Felicity, Issie, J Cosmo Newbery and, if you look very closely, myself. Thank you once again, it has been fun.

All:

Good-bye Kenny!