Drawing on a vast repertoire of primary school jokes I settled on that old chestnut, Hu Flung Dung. An exploratory email:

Dear Mr Johnson,

Today I am returning from a trip to China and I find your email.

I am very late in replying and for this I am most sorry.

Are you still needing assistance?

Yours sincerely,

Hu Flung Dung,
Han Khat Restaurant.