Fascinated by the language, he replies:

Greetings Sir,

I am well interested in your letter. I must apologise for the slowness of my reply. I have been away at the hot baths of Vitreous China for a month of restoration and recuperation and the fax was awaiting me on my return.

I aspire to greater things than sitting on stone seats in the Senate, listening to the interminable whining of the public vulgus.

I am far more aptly suited to a villa magnus in the country, replete with food bona, wine rufus and virgins copia.

I believe the final resolution of my contract is a way to achieve this.

What are your instructions?

Yours imperially,

Gluteus Maximus.