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Felicity goes on the front foot and suggests it is time to meet Kenneth.

Dear Kenneth,

You sound tired and annoyed. I am not sure what to say to sooth you.

I did not think that you were unfaithful to me. What gave you that idea? I have no reason to doubt you.

And I am a virtuous woman, in my mind anyway. That is the important bit. Obviously, as a prostitute, there are physical limitations. Yes, I have lost my virginity but I do still have the box it came in. And I have found lots of other interesting things in the process. I was hoping to show them to you soon. Would it annoy you if I came to Nigeria?

You seem annoyed that I ask so many questions but how else am I to learn about you and your giant country? I have lots and lots of questions. I always have, I always will. That is a good thing, don't you agree? See, another one! The only people who don't ask questions are dead.

I think when my life is over and I am lying on my death bed the last thing I say will be a question about life. Something like: 'What the hell was that all about?' Then good night, Fillie, and I'll be gone. But, don't worry, that is not going to happen for ages yet. My Grandma is still alive (87) so the Primms are good solid stock, build for endurance.

Anyway, as I said earlier, I was wondering about coming to Nigeria. That way I could see for myself the beauty of your country. If I am to be Mayoress of Lagos I need to survey my domain! And we could become a bit more personally acquainted too. Really our relationship has reached a point where we need to make a decision, Kenneth. Meeting face to face has to happen soon, don't you agree?

And I am sorry if I have annoyed you, I really am. I really didn't mean to.

Your puzzled Princess and future Mayoress of Lagos,


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