J Cosmo Newbery

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The farm starts asking a few questions:


DEAR SIR,

YOUR MAIL RECEIVED AND CONTENTS NOTED.

BY THE WAY,KINDLY CLARIFY IF YOU ARE NOT THE REAL SUPPLIER,AS YOU KEEP MENTIONING TO US IN YOUR MAILS "THE SUPPLIER".

IF THE CONCENTRATION FALLS AT 97%-110%,IT IS NOT REFARDED AS BEING STRONG.BUT WHEN IT FALLS WITH ABOVE 25%,IT BECOMES DANGEROUS TO USE. (Ah...I am just a humble(!) analytical chemist - I haven't got a clue what he means here. Neither, I suspect, has he.):

REMEBER THAT WE ONLY REQUSTED FOR A SMALLER QUANTITY FOR THE ANALYSIS BY OUR TEAM OF CHEMISTS.

IT IS IMPORTANT THAT WE ADVICE YOU TO EXPEDITE ACTION IN THIS REGARD,AS MUCH DELAY IS NOT TO OUR ADVANTAGE.

YOURS,
KEN OPONG


They say the best defence is an offence. J Cosmo ignores his questions and heads off on a distraction:

Dear Mr Opong,

I believe that I should take you up on the offer to visit during the testing of the vaccine.

It would be most informative for both of us and act to cement what should be a mutually satisfying business arrangement.

Deals of this sort are best sealed with a firm handshake rather than a impersonal email.

I am arranging bring the vaccine with me.

Yours sincerely,

J. Cosmo Newbery.


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