J Cosmo Newbery

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J Cosmo is thoroughly exhausted. And he is tired, too.


My Dear Mrs Esther,

I am despondent.

Yet again I have let you down.

I did not get to the bank on Friday. Perhaps if I tell you what happened you will understand.

Princess Tikka was tending to my recuperation after the unfortunate hospital incident. She fed me. She bathed me. She nursed me back to rude health.

Too rude, in fact.

On Thursday night she was more attentive than normal to my wellbeing. She made me what she called her 'strength broth' and I must confess that after consuming it I did feel as if I could do almost anything. It smelt very herbal. And then she lit incense and put strange music on my stereo and started to bathe me, as had been her manner during the previous days, in the traditional nursing way using a sponge and warm water.

She said she was going to show me the cobra. I didn't know she had a snake at all but I trusted her.

After she had bathed me I felt strangely aroused. She saw this as she dried me and it seemed to please her. She said she was going to rub me with scented oil and...and well, after that things are a bit of a blur.

I have numerous partial memories of the two of us embracing in a most intimate way at various locations around the city, being driven by my dear and scrupulously discrete butler Wilfred, and being offered a large glasses of some sort of herbal infusion by the Princess.

I have attached a newspaper clipping that will tell you more about it than I can remember. I am sure the bit about the Art Centre spire is wrong.

I am having trouble sleeping: I keep having this dream that I am wrestling with a large snake in a bath of oil.

Perhaps that is the cobra.

Princess Tikka, on the other hand, is asleep on the rug in front of the fire and shows little sign of waking.

Have I done wrong Mrs Esther? I feel so wretched at being so weak and giving in to such abundant and repetitive fornication and yet, and yet, it did feel so very, very good.

Can you forgive me?

Yours distraught,

J. Cosmo Newbery.


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