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To Christian Dior, querying the effectiveness of their anti-cellulite cream.
To Omega Watches, suggesting their product was a bit passive for James Bond.
To Wilkinson Sword, with some helpful info on shaving coconuts.
To Peters Ice Cream, suggesting that I expected more from heaven than they seemed to offer.
To Carlton & United Breweries, about a duck deficiency in my garden.
ToStreets Icecream - does size matter?
To L'Oréal, expressing confusion about their ad.
The unspeakable perils of milking a cat.
To the Swedish Match Company, lamenting the tendency of their product to start fires.
Oh Captain, my Captain...
Not a happy cat!
Untouchable young women?
The Kings New Fibre.
Skinny Milk and the Missing Lynx
...AND you can poke your finger through it?
Heaven? Just the ticket!
Yoghurt. Plus or minus.
Cat food or rabbit food?
The gentle stirring of a jam maker.
Flights of fancy...
A glazed look from the laundry.
The Great Rabbit Fence of China.
A lean, mean production line, but with something missing.
Help for those who can't cut it?
Why did the Portuguese chicken cross the Azores?
Anyone wondering where all the vegetarians have gone? I have the answer...
The new, improved original model?
Perfumed? Or unperfumed? I smell a rat.
The chips are down.
It's my crisis. Leave it alone.
Stirred. Shaken. Rubbed on?
Memo: The cat is not the natural enemy of the tuna.
To Scalzo Foods: Walnuts go troppo.
To Dolmio: On identifying with your food.
To Rydges Hotel: On visions of eating out.
To Wyeth: On the effectiveness of painkillers.
To Kia Automobiles: One size fits all. We are talking cars, right?
To Peugeot: On airbags and parachutes.
To Don Smallgoods: It just doesn't ad up.
To Tatura Foods: Just what is that stuff?
To Driza-Bone: Just how dry is your bone?
To Veromax: I had a suggestion to improve sexual satisfaction.
To Volkwagen: They had named their new Beetle 'The Lust Bug'...
To Vax, a bit dirty on the benefits of cleanliness.
To Pure Earth, wondering what their chemical free products were made of.
To LG Electronics, wanting an office job.
To Sylk , wondering if there are side affucts with their sixual lubricant.
To Mortein, requesting a more lingering death for cockroaches.
To Guylian, holding your truffles will not stop the scuffles!
To R M Williams, they put their left foot in...and lost it.
To Omniglow, explaining why I am dark about their light sticks.
To Sealord, wanting more than a taste of their tuna.
To Berri fruit Juices, in search of the perfect antidote
To Nature Care College, giving a brief resumé.
To Kayser, hoping for success in their Kitten Club.
To Carlton & United Breweries, querying the label claim of 'Brewery Fresh'.
To Gillette, explaining the perils of misreading an advertisement.
To Coffee Club, presumably they just give lip service.
To Birdseye, perhaps the bird is a penguin.
To Nokia Phones, concern about the possibility that scents could be sent by phone.
To Farmland, impressed by the fibre content of their fruit bars.
To Nanna's Pies, showing that when it comes to pies, I can't cut it.
To Pampas Pastry, suggesting that their maths is a bit flakey...
To Vetta Pasta, suggesting that they are selling their seals a little short.
To Herbert Adams, suggesting that their Pot Pie is not the 'complete meal' their ad claims.
To Brunnings, suggesting that their cows need to chew their food.
To Southcorp Wines, pointing out the popular trend is to have bubbles in a sparkling wine.
To the Australian Woman's Weekly, questioning why it only comes out monthly.
To Tip Top Bakeries, with more than three questions.
To the Nut Shack, thoroughly c'nf's'd by their label.
To Dairy Farmers, about a label about a label.
To Rosella, its chutney seems to have lost its way.
To Parkers, querying their 97% fat-free pretzel.
To Sunbeam Foods, querying their rewriting of history.
The cat food for dogs.
Found at last: the little Aussie Bleeder.
To some bakers, suggesting that their product did not need peace and quiet to rise.
Full house, full moon. Both have problems.
To Mainland Dairies, questioning their stock rotation.
A detergent that makes you want to take your clothes off?
To the Australian Woman's Weekly, querying the functionality of a sex position..
To Ansell condoms, querying their use in sport.
To Unilever, explaining the real reason why Antartica is white.
Where I protest the unfairness of the use of 'foolproof' in a cake recipe.
Alfa Romeo - a saloon with no bar?
The saga of Yvette and her phone.
Where I question Bankers Trust on their attitude to a nun's purity.
R-rated noodles.
Smart Beans make my head hurt.
Coles Supermarkets - I wonder if they actually read this letter?
To Nestle: Kit Kats failed - Bring on the tethered goat!
The Olive Oil factory: What would WorkCover think of it all?
To Yardley Perfumes - The smell of decadence.
The Nobel Prize for Chemistry goes to...Child Repellant!
Casio - Great watch. But does it tell the time?
Belly-button fluff from the Colossus of Rhodes?
Philips Stereo - Batting out of their league
Ella Bache - They have the answer. But not to my questions.
How to red-line a stress meter.
RSL Lottery: Does slavery still exist in Queensland?