14th Mar 2004 The advertisement said 'Don't get into scuffles, hold on to your truffles'. Life doesn't seem to work that way. View large

Dear Sir,

I was captured by the simplicity of your advertisement for Guylian Truffles.

'Don't get into scuffles, hold on to your truffles.'

Well, that is okay as far as it goes but there are problems.

Muggings, for instance.

You may argue that a mugging is not a scuffle per se and therefore the slogan is still accurate but I suggest that this is a fairly narrow view of the issue.

An attempt to keep some truffles to myself resulted in an extremely tedious stopover at the Box Hill Hospital Casualty Ward, absolutely no sympathy from the charge sister (a delightful woman who apparently bites heads off Rottweilers) and the inconvenience of having to get someone else to tie my shoes for nearly two weeks.

Memories of the event are very hazy but I do have recurring dreams of someone (my wife in the dreams but how could that be?) attacking me with a bottle of extra virgin olive oil. Quite odd. I may never find out what happened on that terrible night.

Suffice to say I have found giving the truffles away to someone, ideally my wife, a much safer option and it has had two effects - a marked decrease in close encounters of the mugging kind and a wonderful increase in close encounters of the cuddling kind.

I suggest that you consider a new slogan:

'If you wish to embrace a ménage à deux, give your wife a truffle or two.'

Yours somewhat scuffed,

J Cosmo Newbery.