Nov 21st, 2005. The ad looked strange, the logic sounded strange, ...the product? View large

Dear Sir/Madam,

There is a big billboard on the side of one of the car parks at Chadstone Shopping Centre. It is for your product, Skinny Milk, and shows a scantily clad lady lying on her side. The caption reads:

Bet she's got no personality.

I have two problems with this. The first relates to a strange anatomical characteristic of the lady who, to the naked eye, seems to be a bit twisted. Maybe it is a trick of the light but it appears that the bottom half of the lady's body is reversed. Is it correct that below the waist she is facing the viewer but above the waist she is facing away? This strange configuration was pointed out to me by an elderly gentleman selling Remembrance Day poppies. He can at least claim shell shock. I have stared at the advertisement for as long as I safely can and I can't figure it out.

But if she is configured the way she appears to be then who cares about her personality? She would be great fun to dance with and the Karma Sutra would need to be revised to include the Retreating Gazelle, the Moebius Strip and the Missing Lynx.

But beyond the whimpering regarding anatomical and, sadly, Mrs Newbery governed coital difficulties, there is the fact that I just don't understand your advertisement. Does she have no personality because she drinks your product? Does she drink your product because she has no personality? Because of her lithe body does she not need your product and is all the duller for it? Is this really something to aspire to?

Oddly, sadly for you, none of these compel me to buy your product.

But if you can forward me the lady's address, I would be eternally grateful.

Yours full fat,

J Cosmo Newbery

REPLY: None so far.