The Saga of Yvette

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The advertisement was for Heinz Animal Shapes Pasta - ages 1-3yrs. I wondered if an adult version was in the offing.


Dear Sir,

I am something of a loose cannon in a supermarket. The marketing people love me; none of this 'hit and run commando assault take no prisoners capture the target and withdraw' muck for me. I graze. I forage. I browse like a timid gazelle nibbling the dewy spring grasses on the vast expanses of the Serengeti plains.

That's how I came across your 'Kidz Pasta Animal Shapes'. No, not on the broad expanses of the Serengeti-in aisle number four, Safeway Burwood.

Now, physically at least, I am beyond the age group of your pasta and I am feeling a trifle miffed that I am not allowed to eat the stuff. With the possible exception of the camel, all of the animals would be found on the Serengeti anyway. I could cope. I could manage. Really I could. Why so restrictive in the age groups? Why should the 1-3 year olds get all the fun?

I have reluctantly accepted that they are not for me-I had the same problem with Snappy Tom Tuna & Vegetables for Cats. I got over it. Counselling and therapy helps.

What drives me to write this letter is to encourage you to fill an obvious gap in the food chain-shaped pasta for us big kids. This is a market that you should investigate.

R-rated noodles! Nudeles! Rudeles! Canoodles!

Gnocchi has potential, too.

So, when will you produce a pasta that is saucy even before you add the sauce?

Yours almost al dente, J. Cosmo Newbery.



They sent me a form-letter reply and a bunch of recipes.