- The label on a blackberry and apple pie said that it contained five servings.
Easier said than done, though.
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Dear Sir/Madam,

The family Newbery recently partook of one of your pies; but not without some difficulty. Let me explain:

When I bought it I thought I was being every so clever; the packet said that it contained five servings and I had five anxious little Newbery mouths to feed. It was looking good and, when I brought it home, my stocks were definitely up.

I duly warmed the pie in the oven, as per instructions, and then came the task of subdivision. Now, it is relatively easy to cut a pie into halves. And then quarters, even eighths, follow fairly trouble free. Sixths are a little more tricky but if you are careful with the second cut you can judge it fairly well.

But fifths! Fair bite of the pineapple doughnut! Well, blackberry and apple pie, actually. Fifths are fraught with danger. The first cut is not a problem but all subsequent cuts must be absolutely spot on. By the time that you realize that your have got it hopelessly wrong there is no going back, no way of recovering the situation.

Civilization as we know it degenerates into a spiteful round of finger-pointing, name calling, pushing, and shoving. Lust and greed are to the fore. And the kids are even worse.

When it comes to blackberry and apple pie, size IS everything.

Is there any chance you can include 'cut-here' lines in the pastry?

Yours cut up, unevenly,

J Cosmo Newbery.