Monster Micro

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The advertisement was for a Philips Monster Micro stereo - Very Small Very Loud. It can even blow out a candle, they claimed. But compared to my second son, it is batting out of its league.

Dear Sir,

You have just got to be kidding!

"Philips Monster Micro. Very small. Very loud."

So said the advertisement in last Saturday's Good Weekend magazine. It progressed through the list of perceived advantages of the system and then ended with the invitation to ' Take a closer look'.

Quite frankly Sir, you are just not in the race. Don't take it too hard but when it comes to sound systems you are just amateur in a field cluttered with experts.

Let me introduce you to the Kennedy's Sound System.

* Like yours, it also is a monster micro. Very small. Very Loud. But mobile! This thing will follow you about.

* It too is proof that very small things do not just deliver very small sound. You have probably heard it from where you are; doors shut and against the wind. I cannot say I have heard yours from here.

* It too has a bit of grunt. A lot of grunt, in fact. And a whole plethora of other farmyard sounds.

* It too is a CD player. Completely destructive and constantly dirty.

* It too is unbelievably loud. Believe me.

* It too delivers 600 'what's of raw power. And a high output of 'why's and 'how's as well. On a quiet day.

* It too can blow out a candle. Ten of them. Not only blow them out, it can manage to get cake over all the clean surfaces in the house.

* And yes, it too can blow the neighbours away. Repel them, at least. I believe the neighbours to the left are in Darwin. And to the right? Well, he tends to eat out a lot.

When it comes to a micro, high power, extra loud, domestic sound system you cannot go past Richard James Kennedy.

Like to swap?

Yours hopefully, Lee Kennedy.

They replied:

Dear Mr Kennedy,

After a quick survey around the office, we have come to the conclusion that even though Richard James Kennedy would make a tempting swap for oour own "Monster", we have failed to come up with a solution as to how to make Richard sit still long enough on the retailer's shelves! Hence your chance of carrying out a swap is unfortunately looking rather slim.

Nevertheless as a way of saying thank you for bringing a smil to our faces, please find enclosed a Philips T-shirt. If it is not your size...maybe it could double as a 'gag' for Richard.

Yours sincerely, Jennifer Jens.