21st Mar 2004 The advertisement for the cabriolet Beetle called it the 'Lust Bug'.
I had some problems with this.
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Dear Sir,

I was fascinated by your recent advertisement for the Limited Edition Black New Beetle Cabriolet.

The Lust Bug.

Very clever, that is. Who hasn't heard of Herbie, the Love Bug? And his cinematographic exploits must have warmed the cockles of the hearts of many a VW marketing executive.

The new version, in the ad at least, is a little sparse on information about the lust angle. It mentions a 'seductive' paintwork (if such a thing is possible) but the rest of the added extras are quite mundane and, well not wanting to put too fine a point on it, ho-hum.

A roof that comes down in 13 seconds? Fine as far as it goes but does nothing for my lust. The soft leather seats are declared exquisite but is the back seat spacious enough for a bit of lusty one-two? The photo is coy on this feature. A six CD changer with 10 speakers? Do I lust after a six hour drive? No, one is just fine. Electric windows front and back? Pretty standard nowadays, don't you think?

What about a champagne chiller? A picnic blanket? A CD of Mozart? A hidden button to inactivate the engine? (Oh dear, we seem to be out of petrol, never mind I have some chilled champagne and a blanket. Do you like Mozart?)

And a name for this object of unrestrained desire?

Of course, if Herbie was the Love Bug, the Lust Bug will have to be Herpes.

Yours platonically,

J Cosmo Newbery.

No stars for the reply, it ended with:

Your points are very well made and we appreciate that you took the trouble to write to us.