21st Mar 2004 The photo in the newspaper had John Howard shaking Mick Kelty's hand. The body language was not good.

My Goodly Mr Prime Minister,

I am giving you shortly greetings from the tandoor of my hearts.

Today I am putting my pen to my paper to be writing to you about the most indecorous and lowly issues that are being surrounding your goodly self and the commissioner who is equally goodly and being in charge of the forces of the Federal Police, Mr Kelty.

There was being in this morning's presses a picture of your serene and goodly self shaking the hand that is belonging to Mr Kelty. If, as I am being so rightly told, a picture is being worth many words (I have been honestly told a picture is being worth a thousand words but how can this be being so? I am not undressing a foolish person and will not be taking a walk upon the path in the garden so easily. No, I am thinking it is 200 words, and not being more so.) so, many words indeed Mr Howard and I was looking at the picture of your most goodly self and the most equally goodly Mr Kelty and I was being taken mostly by the images before me.

I was seeing words that were being in his body languish as assuredly as a man with a deadly fish. I see looks that are having sighs of resignations that he has been spotting the whoopee buzzer in your hand but must be grabbing it to be being showing a small thing of politeness.

Is this being your reading of the images also? I am thinking that this is not being a goodly look for you and that you must be controlling the damages. I am recommending that you are striking while the ironing is hot.

I am being your most obedient servant,

Tikka Masala.