12th April, 2004 The advertisement said 'Snug as a bug. Driza-Bone.'
Can this be right?, I wondered.
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Dear Sir,

There was an advertisement for Driza-Bone clothes in Saturday's Good Weekend magazine that bore the caption:

"Snug-as-a-bug. Driza-bone."

Mmm. This raises two quite different but ultimately relevant questions:

How snug is a bug? And, how dry is a bone?

Surveys conducted by well respected pollsters, using bugsnugness meters calibrated in millicoddles, indicate that the average bug is rather resigned to his lot but is not, by and large, snug. Even the most hidden away bugs seem to be prone to suffer from a quite understandable insecurities and fear of the Great Beak appearing and severely devaluing their snugness quotient.

On the other hand bones present me with a different problem. I have for many years prided myself in having quite moist bones. At first I just thought that I was different. I used to think I was the wet one out, but now I am not so sure. Now I am willing to place a small wager that wet bones are not only surprisingly commonplace but they also are conducive to a long and healthy life; the longer your bones remain damp, the longer you live.

I am sure that there are perfectly reasonable explanations for my concerns but Les Enfants Newbery have regularly informed me that I have all the spatial characteristics of a few pieces of prime lumber when it comes to comprehension of such matters.

By the way, just how thick are two short planks?

Yours, as warm as a luke,

J Cosmo Newbery.

And the answer came directed in a writing unexpected...:

Thank you for your amusing letter.
Such literary expertise should not go unrewarded. Please accept these two books on behalf of Driza-Bone.

Happy as Larry, I thanked them.