23rd Mar 2004 The leader of the Opposition called Alexander Downer, the Australian Foreign Minister, a “lousy rotten disgrace”. What could he be meaning?

My Goodly Sir,

It is being with a heaving heart that I am truly telling you that I was standing beside myself on hearing with my own ears the leader of her glorious Majesty's Opposition say things badly about your goodly self.

He was saying that you are being a “lousy rotten disgrace”. This is truly being what I believe. It was being on the radio transmissions and I am being well learned enough to be trusting them. But I am being most puzzled by it all. Does the learned gentleman be implying that you are being with the louse, the dubious blessing of Skabies, the eight-legged Goddess of the socially discomforted?

And in being so forward as to be suggesting that you are being rotten is it being that he is suggesting that you are perhaps a piece of the fruit? Or is it being a meaty appellation that is being aspersed? Is it being like the killings of the road as I was seeing on the highway number one?

I am thanking you most dearly for the patience that your are giving me but I am having just a single question more. What is the meaning of this disgrace? Is it meaning that you are not with the grace? Is it meaning that your parents were but passing acquaintances? Is it being said that you are being adorned with hats made from paper that is not of a size called A4 and are being seen only backwardly in the classroom corner?

I am wondering these things.

I am being your most obedient servant,

Tikka Masala.