- A Christian Dior advertisement promised much but... View large

Dear Sir,

Last weekend's Age 'Good Weekend' magazine (I'm a slow reader) had an eye catching Christian Dior advertisement for DIOR SVELTE, cellulite control complex.

Eye catching; and verging on the eye blackening if the wife had caught me reading (and rereading) as slowly as I did.

That is a really nice bum in your advert, you know. It sort of makes one hanker for 3-D advertisements. But I digress.

Commonsense tells me that that bum has never seen cellulite in its obviously short life but still hope lingers...

Are you really telling me that the wife, she with the bottom like a sock full of yesterday's porridge and legs like the middle pillars of the Punt Road Bridge, would transmogrify into a smooth skinned, pert bummed nymphette just by the judicious application of Dior Svelte?

Sacre bleu!

As miracles go it must rate up there with the loaves and fishes. Or perhaps more fittingly: buns and bait.

What I want to know is, before I work my arse off to pay for something that will magically dissolve off hers, is there a guarantee with the product?

Yours all a-quiver,

J. Cosmo Newbery.

"Thank you for your very interesting letter...". Said through gritted teeth, I bet. They went on to say Mrs Newbery would have 57% smoother skin blah blah blah... A lot of nothing, really.