28th December, 2004 Why on earth did they add vitamins to Coco Pops? (For that matter why are they so quiet about the 36% sugar in them?) View large

Dear Sir,

Fie upon you, Sir! You have ruined my life!

Oh misery! Oh woe is poor miserable me!

What on earth possessed you? What scatter-brained dopey cousin of the General Manager's domineering sister-in-law's aunt's grandmother conceived such a hair brained (possibly hare-brained) idea as making Coco Pops good for me?

Good for me? GOOD for me! There I was, fifty years old, balding, married, wife, three kids, cat, bank manager, more Bindi weed than I care to think about, too timid to have a piercing, too sensible to have a tattoo, can't afford a sports car or a mistress, let alone both, and not wanting to be mistaken as an advertising person by growing a pony-tail, I had one affordable outlet for my rebellious streak.

Coco Pops.

I would brazenly break out the Coco Pops and pour on the milk, full cream of course, and walk defiantly past the wife and kids to the table, heady with rebellious derring-do and swagger.

Nowadays all I hear is this snigger from the couch: "Feeling the need to up your folates then, are we dear? Do you think the extra zinc might help your 'problem' eh? Better have a second bowl, Love, the Vit Bs might help stop your hair loss."

I might as well eat tofu and be done with it.

Yours despondently,

J Cosmo Newbery.