11th July, 2004 The advertisement said that nothing worked faster than Advil.
So why not use nothing?
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Dear Sir,

I have had a quiet weekend.

There has not been a lot to do so I have found myself in the embarrassing position of reading some of Mrs Newbery's magazines. Please, not a word to the guys at the club.

Anyway, in the course of this hype and gripe, slag-best mag fest I waded through more celebrity gossip, fringe diets and beat-up piffle than I care to mention.

In the middle of it all I found myself looking at a bright, green, liquid-looking, advertisement that, at first glance, I took to be for dishwashing liquid. On closer reading (You begin to see the depth of my desperation!) I realised that it was an advertisement for your brand of pain relievers, Advil.

“Ho Hum” thought I, “They can't do much for my present pain” and started to move on to a sealed section devoted to haemorrhoids. But something odd about the advertisement was giving me a problem, just niggling at the semi-paralysed fringes of what was once a quite frisky brain.

Nothing relieves pain faster” said the caption. It goes on to state that “Nothing has been shown to work faster without prescription”.

What the ad seems to be saying is that, rather than taking Advil, I would be better off taking nothing because it would work quicker. Take Advil and the pain will last longer than if you had taken nothing! Not very appealing, unless you are Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.

Is there any money in this for you?

Yours with the beginnings of a headache,

J. Cosmo Newbery.